boredom? choice or inescapable black hole

My mother always told me boredom is a choice.  For years I have dismissed this statement because I am a stubborn, angsty, sometimes lazy, but mostly hopeful 21 year old.  I am hopeful that someone or something interesting will fall out of the sky or magically appear in my life to make my life more interesting.  On days like today where I am just sitting at home, anxiously awaiting the phone call of my  mechanic to tell me how much more money I need to spend on my car to make it somewhat okay to drive.  On days like today where the weather is unexpected and too risky to go out for a walk.  On days like today where I get my stressful work schedule for the weekend.  On days like today where I watch Anthony Bourdain on an illegal video streaming website and dream of someday doing the same thing.  On days like today I "window" shop on etsy, american apparel, and amazon, put things in my cart like I have enough money to buy them and convince myself that I need them.  These all seem like great ways to pass the time right?  Yet I am still bored... Maybe this is because I do most of these things almost every day.  Maybe its because I am impatient and anxious about the future.  Maybe its because I am a creature of habit and rarely go outside of my shell.

It is time I change this.  I need to be more outgoing.  I need to put in the effort.  I need to stay outside my comfort zone until the outside is my comfort zone.  I need to live in the moment, live for today.  I need to take a breath, think things through and take my time.  I have so much time to figure things out and instead of wasting away, I need to start living, I need to be happy.

These are somethings that make me happy:
singing, music, art, photography, traveling, nature, hiking, walking, food, movies, fashion, style, writing, NYC, Boston, independence, mint tea, coffee ice cream, vanilla lattes, chocolate chip cookie dough, money.  Why money you ask? In my mind, money= stability and comfort.  Money provides me with the opportunities to do what I want to do and make a life for myself.  It allows me to be independent.

The funny thing is, sports never crossed my mind when writing this list.  It is funny because I have played sports my whole life.  I stopped doing ballet and dance because I had to choose sports or dance. In high school I tried out for the school play and made it but I couldn't participate because I had always played basketball and it was the last year my coach would be there.  I have been good at sports my whole life so I continued participating because it was familiar to me, and everyone supported all my success.  I don't know when in my career sports became more about other people than myself but it happened.  Maybe it was when I had to choose between dance and sports, maybe it was when I played competitive AAU basketball in New York and was pushing for a college scholarship, maybe it was when I had to choose between the play and basketball in high school, maybe it was when I chose a college that was practical and studied what would get me a good job and then decided to participate in collegiate athletics.  Maybe it was a combination of all these things.  But now what really makes me happy is just stepping on the volleyball court with a group of friends and just playing around.  No pressure, just pure fun.

Living most of my life by other peoples standards, constantly thinking about how people will view the decisions I make, is extremely exhausting.  I find it very hard for me to make decisions and listen to what my heart wants because I haven't for so many years.  I have to accept the choices I have made as me learning what I do not want to do and continue forward.  I am not saying I am going to be anti-everything, but I will try and find my voice again.

What makes you happy?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
What do you do day to day to curb your boredom?
How do you hold onto your individualism?