Explanations

How do you explain the unexplainable?  How do you make sense of the nonsensical? Sometimes words just aren't enough.  Sometimes an electric inkling is all the explanation you need.  How do you coax an explanation out of someone who hasn't even made sense of something they have done? Do you help them make sense of it, or just be someone for them to talk with to work it out themselves.  It is truly sad when someone is in denial of their true feelings that they just pretend like everything is okay.  I may not know why I feel the way I feel, but I am not pretending like everything is okay because I know it is not.  I know I have 7 year old issues I need to work out.  It feels like everything I do is one-sided.  Both parties need to put in collaborative effort.  It seems all I have been doing is seeing this as a non-issue but it has changed my life for the worse.  Where ever I go, whatever I do, however I act,  I can trace it back to tragedies in my life.  How can you make sense of something that doesn't make sense to the person who committed the act.  How do you explain the unexplainable?

Explanations;  they loom over your head like a rain cloud waiting for the slightest change in atmospheric pressure to explode.  It seems like your whole world is falling to shit, like there is no escape, and you are left to drown in your misery.  You accept no help from those who love you because you feel you are lost forever.  There is no hope.  How do you explain the unexplainable when all you want to do is disconnect from the world because it hurts to much to think about what has happened and too scary to think about what will be.  Instead you stay in your bubble, stay safe inside where no one can hurt you, no one can stop being your friend for no reason, no one can leave you without cause.  Being by yourself is better than being around people because you can always count on yourself.  No matter what you do, you are comfortable in your house, in your room, void from reality and life choices because all you want to do or have to do is right there within yourself.  Sure, its easier to do these things, but you simply aren't living.  What is a life if not a passion for the present, an eagerness for the future and a happiness within yourself.  Why then do we dwell in the past?  It is so easy to feel sorry for yourself all the time. Pathetic.  Oh I watched television for 6 hours today and only went outside to get the mail.  Oh I was on my computer the whole day. Oh I ate that whole batch of brownies I baked.  Oh I didn't exercise today.  Oh I didn't do the simple task my mom asked me to do.  Its so easy to feel sorry for yourself when all you are is sorry, when all you are is just being, when all you are is alive.  What are the positives that you can take out of each day?  What do you want to do to live?  What do you want to do to make yourself feel better?  These are questions that need to be asked each day.  What do you want to do for yourself?  You know baking makes you feel good, you know singing makes you feel good, you know dancing makes you feel good, you know writing makes you feel good, you know taking pictures makes you feel good.  Now what are you going to do about these things?  Try and do at least one of these each day.  If you really love doing something it shouldn't take much effort, it should flow, it should be fun, it should make you happy.  It will be difficult to develop this attitude.  It will be a struggle.  But all struggles are well worth it.   No giving up, no self pity, no impetuous doubt. How do you explain the unexplainable?  By living.  Know that life is a journey and that it is constantly changing.  Be open to change, embrace it, love it, nurture it, and it will become second nature.  Evolve as life evolves.  Feel how you feel in the moment and don't worry about what has passed and what will be.  Be who you want to be and not who you think you should be.  How do you explain the unexplainable?  How do you make sense of the nonsensical?  Everyone should ask themselves these questions.

I went for a hike today at Steep Rock near Lake Waramaug.  It was really hard.  I have not exercised that intensely in a very long time.  My mom and I had a long talk last night about everything.  We always seem to end up in a therapy session, but it makes things clearer.  She brought up a very good point that I need to create a routine for the days I am not working, do something that I enjoy, take a class, be more productive.  I agree, again, it is easier for me to just stay at home, but I am done with easy.  I know life is hard and it gets worse before it gets better.  Exercising today was a great step towards a better me because I love hiking and I love embracing natures beauty and I know that exercising makes me feel better.  Here are some photos from my excursion:

What do you have a hard time explaining?

How do you find closure?

What do you do to make yourself feel better?